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Why Women Love Dating Jerks Instead of Nice Guys?

(Last Updated On: April 23, 2022)

Last Updated on April 23, 2022 by Admin

As a freshman in college I made a pact with my girls to steer clear of jerks. I’d heard too many stories about the buck wild sex that occurred during Creeping Hour. Being away from your strict mami while living with boys (on the same floor!) for the first time ever can make a young and impressionable woman do thangs. Fortunately, I kept my cool and some of my integrity that first year. (We will not speak of the later years – especially my junior year!) What I didn’t do, however, was keep my promise. As much as I tried to date nice guys, I ended up dating jerks. One jerk in particular. He was the baddest of them all. And I was so hooked that I even rejected a really nice guy to be with my Big Bad Jerk.

Why Was I Dating Jerks?

Even now at 43 years young, I can’t wrap my head around his allure. What was I thinking, rejecting a nice guy who would have committed to me and only me? My nice guy wasn’t only sweet, kind, and respectful, but he was also HOT. Like, so good looking. I wish I could add a pic of him right underneath this paragraph, but he’s married with children now and I have to be respectful. Luckily, I can still stalk him on the ‘Gram.

Yes, even in mid-life I have this regret. Because, although things happen for a reason and I ended up where I was supposed to (as a mom to my bub, Evan), I still wonder what could have been if I stopped dating jerks. I would probably be married by now. Maybe not to My Nice Guy, but definitely to a nice guy. If I would have stopped dating jerks, I may be sipping a Moscow Mule while writing this blog because Nice Guy Husband supports my writing career. Instead, I’m a single mom that works a full-time job, writes part time, and side hustles like her future mortgage depends on it (cause it does). I work from 9am – 5pm and then from 5pm – 8pm even when exhausted. All because I dated jerks!

The Reason We’re Dating Jerks

There is a reason, aside from possible dickmitization. According to a few scientific studies, here’s why women date jerks and reject nice guys.

Nice guys make great boyfriends – and that scares us. 

Yup, we can’t stop dating jerks because we know jerks won’t commit. Nice guys are all about getting serious. If you’re afraid of rejection, fear abandonment, or haven’t coped with any of your inner child trauma regarding relationships, you rather date jerks.

This mindset is called the “Nice Guy Paradox.” Although women wish to to be treated with respect and admiration, and want a man to treat us with kindness, that vulnerability scares us. When dating nice guys, we have to face the fear of getting hurt. So we date arrogant douchebags to avoid pain.

We don’t think nice guys are passionate enough.

Most women want a man with swag, a man that has umph, a little fire in the belly that’s unquestionably macho. According to a study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, most women believe that nice guys don’t exude this typical masculine energy. The college girls surveyed assumed that nice guys had less sexual partners than bad boys. Less sexual partners means less sexual prowess, and we want our men to be sexual kings.

Women like danger.

You see that fire over there? Well, women like to get burned. That’s why we date jerks.

I fell for the Big Bad Jerk because, yes, he was fine. But, mostly because he was complicated, mysterious, and almost criminal-like. One time, I shuddered with desire after we walked out of Antonio’s Pizza without paying. I felt so bad being with him, but that danger felt so good!

We learn lessons when dating jerks.

Researchers discovered that, if a woman has low self-worth and self-esteem, she will chase a man and accept certain behaviors even when the guy treats her like crap. It may take more than one lesson before we get wise, reject the jerk, and start dating nice guys.

We see a bad boy’s potential. 

Ah, potential. Like curiosity, it killed the cat! Unfortunately, we are rarely satisfied when we try to fix” a bad boy and attempt to mold him into a better man. Or, as I like to call it, the “I can change him because I’m special!” syndrome. Thing is every woman before you thought she was special, and he’s still a dick. So, instead of dating a jerk and making him your project, do what I should have done at 18 years old – run far, far away and stop dating jerks.

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